This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
