Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
