you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
