I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
