How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
