Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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