It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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