I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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