i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
