Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
