I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
