Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
