If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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