I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
