So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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