I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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