this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Randomize
