omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
