Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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