I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
