I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
