im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize