i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
high people should be assigned attendants
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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