Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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