I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
