im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
