I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
