Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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