haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
