so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
