I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
