His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
