first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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