And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
