Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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