Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
