is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
