Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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