tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
