so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
