How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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