sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
