So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize