i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
