look no pants
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The air was thick with penises
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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