I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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