all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
