he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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