I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
