why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
