Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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