The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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