Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have fence marks all over my body
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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