I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
