Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Randomize
