she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
