Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize