Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
