This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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