he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
