For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
