Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
