then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He better not be in your backpack
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
