Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
