I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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