physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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