Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
