you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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