I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
