Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
